He's back!!!

Facebook sucks sometimes.  My biological father has found out through Facebook that I may have cancer.  I so did not want him to know.  I haven't spoken to my father in 3 years and want nothing to do with him.  He and I have a shitty history that I think I will share and finally let it out.  I stated that this blog is a release for my future, past and present. 

I was born by a 19 year old girl and a 26 year old man.  They were not ready for a child and got married because of me.  Bad idea for my mother who was miserable for 14 years of her life. 

At 3 years old my father who would smoke pot, left me alone in the kitchen.  I climbed on the kitchen table, opened up a bottle of pills and took some.  My stomach had to be pumped, but I was okay.

At 4 or 5, I was helping my mother clean the house and dusted $100.00 of coke off the bedroom end table in my parents room.  Got spanked because of it by my father.

At the same time of the coke incident, I remember my father driving me to brownstone looking house and meeting with people.  Later on in life I found out he was buying pot with his little girl in the car.

After his heart attack, he decided he was going to stop drugs.  He would take me to his meetings on Coney Island Avenue where I would see people who are having withdrawals from heroin and other narcotics.

He would go on to continue smoking pot and used it as a "bonding experience" with me when I was a teenager. 

At 14, he snapped and almost killed my mother in the car when she asked for a divorce.  When he returned to the house, he flipped over furniture and almost threw a chair at my grandmother.  I tried to call 911 and he ripped the phone out of the wall.  I grabbed a knife and was going to stab him if I had to, to protect my brother, sister and grandmother who were standing behind me.  He left finally and my mother returned to cops in the house.

He was homeless for awhile and was stalking our family.  An order of protection was issued.

He decided to call child services on my mother, but didn't win.

He was institutionalized and was diagnosed as a manic depressive and bipolar.  He is also a pathological liar.

He has had 3 wives that I know of.  Who knows if there are any other children he has running around.

Also, he is a deadbeat dad.  Only paid child support when he had a job on the books.

There is always a letter to apologize for the wrong he's done.  Never can he face up to it as a man.

There is so much more, but I can go on forever.  He was not a nice father and do not want him around while I am going through this.  He is stressful to be around and do not want to hear the lies anymore.  He has been telling my sister and my aunt he is ready to kill himself because he has nothing to live for.  He has been saying this for years.  Just do it already, oh wait it is just another lie for someone to feel bad for him and spoon feed him in life.  Just seeing him post shit on facebook and trying to get sympathy is pissing me off.  Am I a bad person for feeling this way?  I don't think so, I don't care if I am being judged for the things I have just written.  I was trying to be a nice person and let him know what was going on when he asked.  I wish I never did because now he is never going to go away.  He is like a bad cancer.