Round 2

I woke up yesterday morning at 4am, stumbling to the refrigerator.  I turned on the light, squinted my eyes and reached for a can of ginger ale and a bottle of magnesium cultrate. I turned on the television to find more breaking news about the Japan disaster and watched it on low so I wouldn't wake Mark.  I poured both drinks into a large cup and sipped it for a half an hour.This was the last step of the cleansing process of my colonoscopy which I was having in 4 hours.  I was scared not for the procedure, but what if I would not wake up from the anesthesia. 

I walked through those glass doors at 8:30am and was greeted by an old Jewish woman.  She advised me to sign in on the brown clipboard and take a seat.  I sat there with my mother for about 10 minutes and then my name was called.  I had to sign a bunch of papers for the hospital and doctor, and paid a $250.00 co-pay for the procedure.  I was told to follow this African-American nurse, who lead me to the white swinging doors.  My heart was racing and I asked to go to the bathroom for a moment. I looked at myself in the mirror and spoke to myself like I was crazy.  I wished that nothing would go wrong and that the doctor would not sneeze while doing the procedure.  I was not prepared for surgery if anything went wrong and just wanted the hour to fly by.

I was brought to a locker room and was told to take off all my clothes, except for my bra.  I was given a hospital gown and was told to put all my things in the plastic hospital bag.  Once I was done, I put all my things into the locker, closed it, and walked out the door.

I was greeted by another nurse and was told I should have not went to the bathroom since I needed to give urine.  She was upset with the other nurse and apologized for the mistake.  She gave me a sanitized cup and requested to try and squeeze out at much out as possible. I went back to the bathroom, took a deep breath, and shook my head.  So far, not so good.

Again, I walked out of the bathroom and was lead to a gurney.  A young Asian woman came over who asked me questions with her broken English.  What medications was I allergic to?  Have I had any surgeries? Do I currently take any medications?  As these questions were being thrown at me, I was given an IV in my arm which would assist the distribution of the anesthesia. Another person came over to me, this time a young Spanish man who smiled at me.  I felt comfort from him and said I am a nervous wreck.  He said, "Don't worry, you are having a makeover right now.  The attic and the basement."  I laughed while he asked if I have any tattoos.  I told him four and he said, "come on that is more scary than this." 

He wheeled me to a room which had all these computers and a smell of antibacterial soap.  Two people were already in there with masks on and latex gloves.  They introduced themselves as the anesthesiologist and a nurse who was going to assist my gastrologist for the procedure.  I told them I was petrified and the anesthesiologist said he just had to calm down another woman that was in the room before me.  I laughed and a female nurse walked into the room.  She helped the other two gentlemen in prepping the room for the doctor.  She looked at me and said I reminded her of a character from the soap opera General Hospital, Robin.  I told her that was the second time I was told that and smiled. 

My doctor walked into the room and explained to me he would be performing a colonoscopy and endoscopy.  He would be looking into my small intestine as well as my colon.  This means a tube with a camera will be inserted through my mouth and down my esophagus . I was told to turn on my left side and relax.  The anesthesiologist started injecting me with this white liquid that looked like Kaopectate.  Before I had the chance to say, "Is that the aneste..."  I was out like a light.

When I woke up, the first thing I did was look up behind me at the screen to check my vitals.  I know I am a paranoid freak.  I then looked around and saw I was in the recovery room with other patients around me.  A female nurse, around my age, came over to me and asked how I was doing.  I told her okay and she gave me some apple juice.  My mother came in the room and smiled.  I told her I was fine to calm her nerves.  The nurse came back over and explained to us that everything looked good with the colonoscopy and the endoscopy.  I am clean and there was no polyps which had to be removed.  There was also no sign of Celiac disease and will need to follow up in two weeks. 

A sign of relief and despair came over my body all at once.  Relief that the procedure was a success, but despair because once again no answers.  I was sure I had celiac disease based on all I have read. 

The IV was taken out of my arm and the heart monitor pads were removed.  The procedure and recovery took all of an hour and a half and I was told I may go home.  I got up and felt like I had a couple of shots of liquor and felt drunk... felt pretty good actually.  My mother was laughing at me because I was giggling like an idiot and would stop talking.  I went back to the locker room and stumbled to put my clothes on.  We walked back out the glass doors, and I felt the cool breeze and the warm sun on my face.  As my mother and I walked to the car, I thought to myself, round three rheumatoid specialist.  Now to be tested for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Inconclusive

Getting dressed today, I decided to cover my hair.  Last time I went to the Cancer Center I felt very uncomfortable being around women who lost theirs while fighting the battle.  Some of them stared at me with those empty eyes and my stomach fell to the floor.  This time I was prepared.  I put my hair up and covered it with my chocolate crotchet beanie.  I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, would I have to do this for months or even a year, minus the ponytail which is hiding?  Mark came into the room and said I looked cute.  I put a smile on my face, but still had the thought in the back of my mind.

I walked into the Cancer Center and looked around. I was praying this is the last time I would ever have to walk into this place.  To the right of me was chemotherapy, to the left of me was the door to the outside.  Which way would this meeting go?  What path will I be taking?

The hospital bracelet with my information was put on my wrist and I received the restaurant looking buzzer.  When the buzzer blinked its red lights and started vibrating, I walked into the other waiting room and had my blood taken.  My name was called 15 minutes later and I went into the sunflower colored waiting room where the doctor informed me of my biopsy results.

-  The markers are still inconclusive, which means it is not lymphoma for now.

-  The blood results from the last four vials which were taken on 2/22, came up positive for a rheumatoid conditions.  Could be Lupus.

-  My CBCs came back from the blood work which was just taken, and my white blood cells are back up to 19,000.  This could possibly be due to the throat and ear infection I am fighting now.

The oncologist requested I see a rheumatoid specialist before my next appointment with him.  The specialist informed my oncologist if the biopsy came back, and there was no lymphoma, he would like to see me. I honestly do not want to do anything until I have my colonoscopy done, which is next Thursday.  (It had to be rescheduled due to my fever.) My family doctor thinks all my answers will come from that procedure, and the endoscopy as well. 

I was also asked by my oncologist that he would like me to see another doctor, but at Cornell in Manhattan this time. This doctor is a lymphoma specialist who will try and provide me more information.  I was told that I will probably need to get another biopsy done; this time a whole lymphnode will probably be taken from my body.   The specimen they took from me the first time may have not been a good candidate to test for Lymphoma.  The oncologist told me a story where he had a patient who did three biopsies, where the third one taken showed up positive for lymphoma.

Great, I will be a guinea pig for the next couple of weeks.  More poking and prodding, when is this going to end.

Three contenders

So far I have been crying for the past hour.  I just got off the phone with my oncologist.  My appointment was cancelled today since my biopsy results are still not in yet.  He said they are doing a molecular procedure which takes about a week or two.  However, my blood work came back where they tested for rheumatoid arthritis, lupus and thyroid disease.  I tested positive for ANA and RNP which is based on lupus (RNP can also be shown for various other inflammatory diseases).  In addition, I also tested positive for rheumatoid arthritis as well.  The doctor just spoke to a rheumatoid arthritis specialist who stated it looks more of a lupus diagnosis, however we have to compare the findings from the biopsy.

This all means I now have three contenders to fight. Is it Lymphoma, Lupus or Rheumatoid arthritis?

I asked the doctor how is it possible I can allegedly have lupus if it does not run in my family.  He said it could be activated by medication and stress.  Well I looked into this and it seems the spirolactone I was taking for my acne and poly cystic ovary syndrome could have played a part in this.  This medication is also given to people with high blood pressure.  Websites show this type of medication falls into a drug related symptom.  And we all know how stressful my job is.

The doctor stated I should have some answers by next Thursday.  I am praying I will know by then what the hell my body is fighting. 

It seems everytime I have a new procedure done, there are new finding of something else.  I am hoping there is nothing shown during my colonscopy on Tuesday.

I spoke to my family doctor to keep her in the loop.  She said I am better off having lupus than lymphoma.  She said, "let them run the test they need and whatever the outcome is we will treat and fight it together." 

I just want to know what I am fighting already and live a normal life.